My Valentine

Note: This entry is of a personal nature and has little to nothing to do with the country unless of course you consider how PM Lee has been urging (close to begging) locals to get hitched recently. A warning as well as this might prove to be sickeningly (too) sweet for some readers to digest.

I love my husband – I say it as a matter of fact rather than being all sappy and romantic about it. Every time I say it to him (which can be several times a day), I believe it soul deep and profoundly beyond doubt. He makes me a better person just by existing. Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror when he’s around, I understand what people mean by having a smile that lights you up from the inside. He makes me happy like that and I can’t take my eyes off him, my hands constantly reach out to touch him, I always want to hold him closer..

I fell in love with my husband because he respected me from the first time we met. Despite being a lot older than me, he treated me as an equal and listened. He was never condescending, never patronizing, never belittling my struggles and my beliefs even if he had so much more life experience than I did. He listened and didn’t judge, didn’t try to fix me.. And I admired him greatly for it. Even today, he only offers help when I ask for it. I think that’s a great system for couples to have just so you learn to vocalize what you want from each other. Don’t ever assume anything – that is the start of the end of so many relationships. To me though, what’s invaluable is the respect and faith he has in me than I am a capable woman who can handle her problems just fine.

Also, he never ever ever criticizes my driving. For the record, I’m an ‘amazing driver’ (in his words). Honestly though, I’m fine. Really.

Respect is a strong show of love.

We spent a lot of time talking and listening to each other in the beginning. I think we admired each other for keeping up with intelligent conversations as much as we were capable of chatting about the weather. More than that though, I think we were both impressed that we were able to be comfortable with each other in silence. That was really nice. I remember taking the time to drink in his side profile (which I think is really really attractive) and stare at him across the table with glazed-over lovestruck eyes.. He must have been amused.. But he must have known, because he always sits angled towards me! Or maybe his legs are simply too long to tuck under the table properly.. Sigh, either way I really don’t mind. I think I grew to adore him. It’s one thing to admire a man for his great qualities (and he will appreciate it), but it’s another thing entirely to appear lovestruck over him (and very flattering for him). I think to be able to do both.. What a man huh? These days I still shamelessly flirt with my husband publicly or play footsie under the table.. It makes him laugh; sometimes he even blushes! Other times he swipes my foot away mortified.. But still, he’ll laugh. I really relish his laughs.

Indulge in the giddiness of love.. It’s not bimbotic to adore the man you love and show it.

After we truly settled down together, I begun to notice the little things that my husband did to show he cares. He was never really vocal with the ‘I love you’s (until I conditioned it into him); he was the action type of guy. He would remember things I said in passing a long time ago, insist on holding doors open for me even when it’s awkward because he’s left-handed, open cans for me so I don’t chip my nail polish, always offer me an arm when I’m in heels, position himself to catch me if I fall on escalators, notice when I change my nail color or makeup.. Honestly, I didn’t expect a man of this age to be quite as gentlemanly as my husband is. He’s quite a dream come true when it comes to his impeccable social manners if you’ll excuse his snarky mouth (which he only shows me of course). Rolls eyes* But I appreciate his tenderness and the attention he shows me more than I thought I would. It’s just really nice to receive flowers just because, or to have him compliment a new dress and even recognize he hasn’t seen it before. Girls are still girls you see..

The little gestures count for a lot.

My favorite feature of my husband’s is his hands. I love that they hold my face tenderly when he kisses me, comfort me and warm me when I’m down and cold, grips me assuringly when I’m overwhelmed by the world, holds me tight to him even in his sleep.. Sometimes we fall asleep with fingers interlaced. I really do feel loved deeply by this man. Words can be lies, but his hands speaks volumes of truth to me. This is turning borderline sappy, but I’m awed sometimes, intrigued by us and how far we have come. Behind our teasing and light-hearted way we conduct our relationship, he has become my sanctuary. I know he’ll always support me and protect me because that’s what he’s been doing for a long time now without me actually realizing it. He is my calm, my strength, my rock if you will.. And I am ever so grateful and in awe that he would promise me this much. Sometimes it feels like I’m never going to be good enough for him even.. But I’ll certainly try!

Love can be a slow realization but when you do see it, it can be breath-taking.

My husband is not perfect though; in fact he is very far from it. He has his moods, his quirks, his bad days. Sometimes he sorely tests my patience, other times it gets bad enough I feel like I actually love him less for a week or a month. But I knew he was not perfect from the beginning and never even dreamt I could possibly change him. In fact, we’re aren’t even compatible personality types to be honest! Yes, we eventually learned to compromise, we learned what was out of line, we learned not to be cruel to each other, but that took a lot of time and a lot of love. Above all, it took a lot of courage and honesty. It was a conscious effort for both of us to let each other in; a struggle of mind and heart for two intensely private and logical people. Make no mistake that it was difficult, so much so it almost broke us I have to admit.. But it was so worth it in the end.

Commit to dig deep for each other.

My husband and I like to say we fell in lust with each other wayyy before we fell in love. We did a fair bit of trying to seduce each other I would say! Unconventional as it might have been, it was great fun and it still is to this day. I hope we never stop riling each other up or sneaking in those stolen kisses. Of course the electric quality of those first kisses cannot be entirely replicated these days.. But my husband still excites me and by now, he knows exactly what to do so I’ll melt and agree to whatever he wants. It is very unfortunate fortunate that he holds this power over me and that he knows it and wickedly uses it! But who am I really to resist..

Word of advice to the girls; show your interest by initiation and that eagerness will be reflected twofold right back to you! Men are great reciprocators that way..

Primal attraction is as vital as having fun in a relationship.

My husband is leaving on an emergency work trip in 24hours and I already miss him dearly. It’s hard to be apart and I feel emptier just thinking I can’t hold him for a while. He likes the analogy that I’m an iPhone that needs him desperately like a charger. Haha, that is indeed quite apt. I have no gift for him this Valentine’s and we actually have no standing tradition of celebrating the day, but I did use to write him love letters more often than I do now..

So love, I wrote this really atrociously mushy piece for you. It’s quite the declaration of love isn’t it? A LOT of people will see it and I’m quite frankly embarrassed. I’ve not done something sweet for you in a while. It having been a really tough year was no excuse to have neglected you. But you know I really do adore you don’t you? Now smile a bit, I know you hate the breach of privacy.. But love, everyone can tell already how I feel for you. It’s just now expressed to a small degree, inadequately in words. It took 3 separate attempts, but this time it’s done. Don’t tear up now, but I hope you enjoyed the read. (Illiterate! 😛)

The Expat.

Over dinner tonight, the husband mentioned that there’s been a social media frenzy over a certain expat in Singapore recently. I admit I only gave the related tweets a cursory glance at the time and did not and still do not care to know the whole story. I sometimes think Singaporeans love to make a big fuss if only for a sense of belonging, a sense that something is happening in our kind-of-boring-sometimes little island. Or for the heck of it, create a ruckus you know? Makes mundane life more interesting.

After a quick brief from the husband though, I get why people are upset. That expat sure wasn’t being very nice was he? It is one thing to know you’re poor, and another thing to have it pointed out to you by someone else. (Of course quite jokingly, I did tell the husband that I don’t get why Singaporeans are all upset by the expat calling us ‘poor’ when we’re always claiming to be poor to our government to begin with!) And, he was being very cruel alright. I think he either has more money than brain cells or it was very deliberate on his part to rile people up. Then again, I think Singaporeans over-reacted as well. We can take offense of course because he was just soo rude, but we don’t have to react negatively. Show the grace we have even as ‘poor’ people that this rich expat couldn’t hope to buy with his money.

My first response to the husband is that, I think we didn’t have to get so angry because to be honest, this is reality. We all discriminate and look down on people poorer than we are somewhere deep in our hearts. Meritocracy implies to us that if someone is making less money than us, he must be somehow less capable. We might not voice it, or act on such assumptions as the expat did, but do not deny that we all discriminate. We may pity the less well-to-do, we can offer charity out of the goodness of our hearts, but discrimination is human nature. In essence, we simply recognize and accept that we belong in different categories, different brackets if you will. There’s nothing truly wrong about that. Equality is merely an ideal; but what’s true is rather than segregation in terms of above and beneath, can we simply go for ‘different’? It is technically always going to be true that we can’t all be the same (and therefore won’t be treated all the same). It is however, less gracious of course when you make fun of others for being different like the expat has done.

To the expat who exclaimed he’ll need to scrub off the ‘stench of poverty’ from riding on the MRT, I say likewise we’ll all have to bathe in rosewater to get rid of that awful stink of too-much-money. Be respectable when you’re out of your depth and ‘behind enemy lines’. Public transport might be uncomfortable at times, but hey direct that disdain to the company running these trains rather than the people who have no choice but to suffer it. While we’re at it, don’t pity us for being mere commuters on a public train; we don’t need pity. To each his own life; you don’t have to like or begin to understand our lives, but you don’t have to be here and be as rude as you’re rich. We’re happy to see you live in a condominium, drive a posh car, eat at restaurants in Singapore. By all means, enjoy your rich life here and pay your taxes. Us Singaporeans have absolutely no problems with expats moving our economy along for us, but hey let’s just agree to get out of each other’s faces if we don’t get along. At least do us as your host, basic courtesy.

In truth, rather than get angry at the expat, shouldn’t we all ‘poorer people’ pity him instead that for all the money he has, he doesn’t seem to possess any common decency? If there’s one thing we should take away from this, it’s that this expat is proof that the rich can be really pathetic and embarrassing sometimes too. To have to put others down to make yourself feel more superior, are you seriously so low on self-esteem when you apparently drive a drool-worthy Porsche? I find it all very amusing.

Next post, I’ll likely get a bit more serious and possibly mini-lecture on the topic of Income Inequality. As some of you might know, that’s the theme as well for the World Economic Forum that has just wrapped up in Davos today. The last 72hours have seen many new and continuing crisis develop, including the unravelling political situations in Kiev, the Middle East and closer-to-home Thailand. Emerging Market currencies are also under tremendous stress with Argentina and Turkey likely the first wave of casualties with more to follow. This global recession has had massive impacts all around but we all agree that the rich have only grown richer, and the poor have truly suffered. This is true with individuals, with companies and also with countries. Tension is at breaking point as unemployment remains high and the poor see no improvement to their struggle in an economic climate that remains much too weak. Resentment towards the rich is not that far off and conflict as we see, is only too easy to ignite.

On a more personal note, one of my tweets apparently made it on air at CNBC!! Omg, this is an epic moment, landmark achievement in my books isn’t it? You wouldn’t believe how happy this makes me!! Fangirl moment*

Seriously now though, as an extended note from last post, I feel I should also mention that the Dow has lost 316point today after a 200point lost yesterday over global headwinds. The S&P has broken 1800 (significant support) today and it does not bode well at all for the rest of 2014. Remain cautious. You might not be a trader like me, but the economy is our lifeblood in Singapore. This time with Emerging Markets taking hits, the crisis might just hit closer to home than you realize. Just recall, how many ASEAN countries are EMs? Now do you see?

Random.

I haven’t blogged in a while, overwhelmed by the demands of life. In these last few months, quite a bit has happened in our country what with notably the first riot in many many years and more mundane train breakdowns, rising cost of living complains etc. I’m not sure I’m inspired to write about any particular issue right now though; It all seems pretty tame or done before. In any case, let’s just chat randomly.

Firstly, I’ve been impressed with PM Lee’s social media presence in recent months. Of course I’ve followed him since he begun his online adventures but honestly, I had not expected it to be as personal as it has turned out to be. It’s really awesome for us to see PM Lee as a person rather than strictly in the capacity of his job. His Instagram post about his visit to Lucas Films recently is a particularly cute one in which he even used an emoticon and expressed his excitement at meeting Yoda! Of course I’m not sure if it is in fact a PR team who manages his social media activities, but if so then they are simply genius! Through social media, I feel like not only do we get an inside look to the PM office, we also glimpse bits of the man himself. We respect and like people for who they are, not for whatever job title they hold. In that sense, I’ve grown really fond of Mr Lee and from there, I’m glad he is our PM.

Other world leaders have also flocked to Twitter and Facebook to harness the power of social media, but I think many have failed to connect on a personal level. A quick look at perhaps, David Cameron’s tweets and you will understand what I mean. Of course social media is a great platform to further political agenda or advance initiatives, but really the true power is not in information here, but in closing the distance with the people. Showing that hey, I may be somewhere attending some conference but the view from my hotel room is awesome so I will Instagram it.. That’s a normal, random-person-on-the-street behavior that builds rapport and makes people smile. Therein lies the truly invaluable connection that social media makes possible.

Second issue on a more somber note, I wish to caution Singaporeans about the economy. Just today, China printed some really weak PMI numbers in a very disappointing January so far everywhere in the world. The Dow has sold off heavily after rallies this month and that is not a good sign for the rest of 2014. The global recession has technically turned the corner by the close of 2013, but I feel like we are being optimistic. Too many dark years have made a glimmer of light look like the bright beacon of hope that it really isn’t. It is true that the great economies of the world are on the way to recovery.. But it is so very fragile and the road is long and hard. Sometimes we would like to forget that so much has to go right this time for the desired outcome. That is simply too optimistic.

We are very very sheltered from economic headwinds in Singapore despite the truth of what we learnt in school that we are in fact so vulnerable to global forces. We will likely be earning less this year, but we won’t feel it much.. As always. And I don’t know if it is a good thing or not that we have grown less sensitive to potential crisis. It is why PM Lee reminds us to be cautious at every Budget Day. Singaporeans are increasingly adventurous with our money buying cars and property, traveling for leisure, buying branded goods etc. The desire to buy is uncontained these days and no matter your income level, there’s still this bag, this car, this whatever-it-is that you’ve got to have. Materialism is inescapable especially when all our country is a city. The buying pressure all around is unrelenting. But perhaps, we need to exercise once again the good-old traditional Asian virtue that is caution.

Be conservative with your money. Crisis will hit, maybe not this year but it is inevitable. In Singapore, we don’t know what 10% or 20% unemployment feels like. We don’t know what a debt crisis is. We can’t begin to fathom what a government shutdown is. I don’t know if we’re just too fortunate, but the Chinese like to say, blessed are the ignorant. I suppose that goes both ways too.

Third and lastly (because it’s 4am and I wanna sleep) and more personally, I’ve been rather offended lately by people who keep telling me I’ll change my mind about not having children when I grow older. Christmas saw quite a few gatherings in which many many screaming young children were in attendance, and also such adults who belittled my decision regarding children. Trust me, I was sad to have come to such a decision myself. Did you honestly think I do not want to make the perfect child with my looks and my husband’s superior height and our combined brain-power given a perfect world?

There are many reasons big and small that made me realize I don’t want a child. I don’t like this world, I don’t like how children are expected to live these days, I have no confidence I can give enough love, I am uncertain if the quality of our marriage will deteriorate, I can’t say I’m ready to sacrifice emotionally, financially, physically for a baby.. No, I cannot commit to this unless I’m absolutely certain. Unlike marriage where at best I’m just screwing up 2 of our lives, ruining an innocent is too much a gamble.

The Asian mentality is that you simply have a child and adapt and find a way. I find that simply irresponsible. Why have a child and then struggle to feed it? While struggling to feed it by working all day, you hardly spend any time with your child do you? You also hardly spend time with your spouse in the end. What exactly is the point of having children this way? Isn’t the biggest job as a parent nurturing them? I don’t intend to have children unless I have the means to enjoy them. People who want to tell me that hey, life’s hard anyway.. I say why make it harder and harder for another little person too?

I accept the vastly different opinions on the issue; I simply feel belittled when people on the other side of the fence give me pitying looks like I don’t know what I’m missing. Hey, you don’t have to agree but you don’t have to try so hard to convert me. Worse still are the people who think I’m simply too young and that’s why I have such ‘radical’ ideas. I’m actually being practical. Unless I’m suddenly rich enough to provide my child with all the love and time and material things he’ll need, it’s just not happening. If you’re enjoying your struggles at parenthood at the moment, by all means enjoy yourself. We don’t have to agree, so please just leave me alone this CNY.

#NeverForget

12 years ago today was a day of anguish for the world as the unthinkable happened in Manhattan. Even as a teenager, I lived on US time and was awake to watch the horror unfold from start to end. The experience is something I will never forget. As much as I would have liked to look away from the TV screen, I was compelled to watch. Half a world away, I was watching extraordinarily many lives taken away by a senseless act of terrorism – that much was certain to me from the first moments it was reported an aircraft had crashed into the World Trade Centre.

There’s a degree of disbelief when I first saw images of the burning building. I thought perhaps it was an aviation accident; because to think it was a deliberate act was far too horrifying and altogether too sinister. But that little hope in humankind was extinguished swiftly as another aircraft struck the other tower. Watching it happen on screen was surreal enough, so imagine the people at ground zero witnessing it first hand.. It must have been a gut-wrenching dread. From 9/11 thus grew the seed of evil that was terrorism. Mass murder to make a point was now in vogue. It was to me, that humanity was at its bleakest hour.

What I remember most vividly of the night of 9/11 is the overwhelming sense of helplessness. To be hoping desperately that people I didn’t know would somehow survive against the odds was something I knew logically to be near impossible. I think I didn’t want to believe people could be so cruel, that fate could be so cruel to people whose time was not supposed to come just yet. There must have been many people who died of regrets that day. That was a truly saddening thought to me. The victims, they have died for nothing more than to make a idealistic statement. It was so selfish; it was so unfair, and I was furious and indignant for them.

9/11 brought out the worst and also the best in people. Strangers came together to help each other in their time of need, first responders didn’t hesitate to get into a collapsing building to save lives. How hard it must have been to not think and not feel in that terrible time and focus on what needs to be done at their personal risk. It takes a whole lot of strength to have shoved the fear aside and stared death in the face. Now as we remember 9/11 each year, we honor the people at ground zero as heroes. The many men, women and even animals who worked endlessly for days and days afterwards searching the debris.. I think that hopelessness and despair eats away at the soul far worse than death could ever do.

Here safe and sound in Singapore, we are unlikely to see tragedy on such a scale happen. I am ever thankful that we are so very fortunate. As I told a twitter follower, sometimes I think it’s great we are small and insignificant in the global arena to have to take sides in conflicts and thereby thrusting ourselves in the line of fire. We were discussing Syria, but I think it’s true for many other issues we have not had to deal with as a nation. America does not have that luxury, and the price it has paid for that power and influence is a big one that we should not be envious of. If anything, I sympathize. Sometimes when a choice has to be made in a lose-lose situation, you wonder why you must choose.

Many wars have been fought in the Middle East in the past decade and likely, more still will erupt. I still call it a clash of ideologies because I dislike the talk of religion in warfare. I see that as a pathetic excuse for acts of great cruelty to humankind. Terrorism is dirty to me. I dislike underhand methods and the use of fear to manipulate people and situations. Senseless loss of life is unacceptable. But though that is President Obama’s point for a strike in Syria, I find that a reply to senseless deaths in the form of more deaths is equally senseless. Terrorism has the scary ability to drag us down to the level of violent retaliation. Is it revenge? Because it is so unjust, and so unnecessary, it strokes a fury inside us all that clouds the measure of means and ends.

9/11 transformed the world and made people see how humans could be capable of such evil towards each other. It’s a sad but necessary awakening to the reality of human nature. Terrorism’s greatest achievement was in eroding people’s hope that humans are innately good at heart. I’m not sure if the world has turned cynical and suspicious of each other after 9/11, but surely we have lost some goodness somehow. It will never be the same again.

When we say #NeverForget, don’t ever forget the horror of the day, don’t forget the strength people have shown, don’t forget the people who sacrificed their lives for others, don’t forget the people who died for nothing.. but also, don’t forget that evil lies in the hearts of some people.. And vow that such tragedy should never happen again. Even if we cannot root that evil out of others, let us not fall victim to that darkness. We owe the victims of 9/11 that much.

Why are you having this child?

It’s almost National Day again and I’m reminded of the ‘procreation’ video from last year.. Essentially our government growing increasingly desperate to boost the local population; desperate enough to be openly encouraging people to have sex; desperate enough to be begging.

Child-rearing is a big undertaking. Perhaps because we’re Asian, the expectation is that we marry and have children as per the norm. I’m getting married soon enough, and the topic of children has come up more than a few times between my fiancé and I. I admit the idea of getting married by itself is an overwhelming sense of responsibility and I am slowly being driven to a breaking point. The idea of having children is just too much right now.

I grew up in a rather loveless environment. All the attention and affection was given to me before I developed the consciousness to remember or cherish it. By the time I was in kindergarten, my brother was born and consequently I was forgotten. My mother quit her job under duress from her mother-in-law after giving birth to her son and grew increasingly resentful and upset with how she had to sacrifice her career. To this day, it is always at the tip of her tongue to blame us for the ‘if-only’s. I think she reckons she could be CEO if we never happened. You see, it is always easy enough to exaggerate fantasies. Still, it is partially my fault she isn’t what she wants to be.

My grandmother was as evil as you could get when I was younger. She used to strangle me when the stock market was not doing well. How I managed to be in finance now despite the childhood trauma, I do not know. Like all old-fashioned grandmothers, my brother was the favored kid. I was taken away from my loving nanny until then to live with my grandmother for cost-saving reasons. She didn’t hate me I’m sure, but she was an impatient and easily frustrated woman who had no business taking care of young children. I bore the brunt of beatings for being uncooperative myself and also took on that of my brother’s. You see, a boy was entitled to be mischievous – that was normal. Still an irritated grandmother had to hit something to be appeased.. And that was me.

You must remember I mentioned how Mother had quit her job by then. Why she was not there to protect me, I can’t quite remember or fathom.. Perhaps wallowing in a life she hated, or out of fear of her husband’s mother. In the years that followed, my grandmother mellowed out. The beatings stopped but her vicious tongue-lashing continued. Mother and Grandmother never got along and the atmosphere at home was always explosive. I also gained another sibling – a sister, and the kids grew up in a hostile environment I tried hard to shield them from if only by covering their eyes and ears and keeping them out of the cross-fire.

It was not always bad. Mother is a very inconsistent woman and we have no idea if she would wake up pleasant or bitchy everyday. On the days she felt alright, I could let down my guard for the day and unwind a little instead of constantly watching the situation and ready to jump in front of the kids when she became unstable. I have Mother to thank for my high mental capacity and processing speed. She taught me how to lie and manipulate, to analyze and strategize, to be ready with a plan and counter at any time. In that way, I read the weather at home everyday and gave out warnings to the kids, guiding them on the safest path to get through the day unscathed.

When Dad was home though, those were the times of paradise for me. Both his wife and mother would put on an elaborate show of how well the family was getting along. It was amazingly disgusting how fake those women were. Once Dad’s back was turned though, Grandmother would summon me to her room and rant to me how Mother was a conniving whore out to seduce her son from her. Likewise, as a primary-school kid, I was made to deal with Mother’s tears and drama and resentment. The message to us kids was clear – it was all our fault. It seemed to me at that time, I was everyone’s punching bag.

The years in University were very tough on me. I was being stressed in every possible aspect of life and having to return home everyday to another war zone. The kids grew up to be low profile and snuck around at home soundlessly, keeping their doors closed as much as possible. Given the chance then, I just had to take time off of the family that had done nothing but suck the life out of me for years. The relationship with Mother was non-existent by then. The dark years that followed, I suffered setback after setback but not once did she ask if I needed help, preferring to pretend everything was just fine. I spent almost 3years piecing myself back together alone and without help. All that time, I knew Mother’s only concern was that I had dropped out of Uni and that she was ashamed of me. Mother was always that way, claiming blood relation when you were doing well and ignoring your existence when you were no use to her. She paraded me around just a couple of years ago when I got 8pts at Os.

My father does more parenting than my mother does on the 1.5 days a week he is home from work. Mother is insanely jealous of how we look up to Dad so much more than we do her. She thinks just because she looks after the house and cooks our meals, she is entitled to our respect and love. A week ago, she screamed at my sister for not having a relationship with her. We want a mother, not a maid. In truth, our maid can do all that she does for us and with a smile on her face to boot. Mother, Mother woke up today and the first thing she has to say to me is unpleasant as always. My maid wakes up and smiles, says good morning and offers me coffee.

I’m ashamed of Mother. I’m frankly so disappointed in her. She likes to see herself as a upper-class, well-bred woman above the masses but in truth, she has such a lousy personality. My fiancé is the only person safeguarding my sanity and the rock in my life. Any other mother would be glad to have her daughter find a man she can count on, but just not Mother. The way Mother treats my fiancé and talks behind his back is so rude and streaked with jealousy that I want so badly to slap her sometimes. She boasts about her husband in front of me, insinuating I could never find someone like that in seven lifetimes. She exacts free meals and rides from my fiancé claiming to be family and then turns around and declares him an outsider after all. I’m so ashamed to look my fiancé in the eye sometimes.. So ashamed to have him know I have that unpleasant woman’s blood flowing in my veins.

Mother has ruined my life. She made me deal with her drama, participate in her schemes, play her games.. She exploits me and my fiancé, makes life difficult for the kids, demands and expects more than she deserves and screams when she doesn’t get her way.. She cannot be happy for others even if for her children, she bad mouths her friends, her husband, her co-workers, she even tries to turn Dad against us and drive a wedge among us siblings whom she’s jealous of being so close.. Frankly, she exhausts me. I cannot find it in me to respect her or love her for the years of torture she has caused me. No amount of her yelling and screaming can change that. She was never there when I needed someone. In fact, when she was around, she has caused me only pain.

I used to wonder if it is just me she hates. But no, now I see she is just as unpleasant as they come. I don’t believe she was so horrid when she was younger. We see a glimpse of her original self when Dad is home and she goes into show mode being all sweet and accommodating and generally nice. You cannot fathom how ill-at-ease we kids feel when we see her that way.. Also how we estimate the extent of her sour mood after Dad leaves by how nice she gets on Sundays.

You know, I don’t blame her for not being a good Mother to us. Some people were never meant to be Mothers. What I truly hate is how she wants us to respect and love her just because she gave birth to us and to forgive her for everything. I don’t recall her apologizing; in fact she thinks it’s within her right to behave that way to us. I am a big believer of tit-for-tat. There is no such thing as ‘just because you’re technically my mother’. You’re a Mother when you’re a parent, not when you’re simply a womb we came out of.

I think my Mother made a mistake having children. She made her life hell and she made ours a worse hell when she took out all that resentment on us. She didn’t take responsibility as a parent, she was never there when it mattered. She was an administrator for the family and a tyrant. She threatened us with our Father, manipulating our love and respect for him and controlled us by our purse strings. She was never a mother in that sense of the word. What mother plots against her own children like that?

You understand my reservations about having a child now that you know my story? I refuse to be a failure of a mother.. So much so, I would rather not try. Childhood was bitter for me and I love children too much to subject them to that. I’m so afraid I will end up like my own Mother despite how much I try not too. I’m afraid the blood itself is tainted.

If you’re considering having a child, think about if you’re prepared and have it in your heart to love another person. There is simply no room for regret once you’re pregnant. You cannot have doubts. If you go down my Mother’s footsteps and resent your child, nothing good will ever come out of it. Don’t have kids just because it is expected of you or if even you expect it of yourself. Like I said, some people, some couples were not made to have children. Do not destroy your life, your marriage, your very soul by making such a mistake. My Mother has lost every bright spot of her soul in becoming a mother. She is not unlike a dementor right now, hollow inside and full of negativity. So don’t become that way.

If you’re already unhappy with life or with your marriage, bringing a child into the picture to improve it is a selfish selfish idea. Your child deserves happiness and should not be the expected injection of happiness. What if it doesn’t work after all? Now you have a child, an unhappy life and marriage.. A recipe for disaster that you can’t back out of. Don’t assume a child will give you the strength to take on the world. Not everyone is that way and the media only reports the inspirational.. Plenty of others succumb to depression or become suicidal and give up on life.

Please don’t have a child just to realize the idealistic relationship you have planned out in your mind. I’m sure my own Mother once thought it would be beautiful. She simply couldn’t take the bumps in the road. Once it looked less than perfect, she threw it away because she couldn’t take it that it wasn’t the way she wanted. A child will grow up with a personality and have ideals and beliefs not necessarily in line with yours. Can you accept that? Can you accept that maybe your child hates hugs and kisses but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you enough? Can you take things less personally and be rational when it comes to your children?

Finally, are you a good person with a good heart? Adoring children will grow up to be young adults capable of admitting their parents are flawed. Are you someone they can respect even then? Have you proven to have loved them regardless? You will be judged as a parent in time.. So don’t assume a child has to like you because you gave birth to him. You work hard at your job to be recognized don’t you? You are nice to your friends so they’ll like you isn’t it? So why is it not the same as a parent?

Protect your children if you decide to have them.. Protect them even from yourself. The most common child abusers are parents themselves. My Mother tortured me mentally and gave me no support emotionally. She may not have hit me, but no abuse is worse than having a child feel vulnerable and alone for the better part of his life. Don’t have children only to damage and hurt them this way. I can tell you, I will never forgive my Mother for her negligence and her deliberate attempts at hurting me. I simply do not understand why she had me at all.

Indecency

In the midst of my frantic revision for exams, I came across the article about some comments people have made to a girl who wrote in to an online forum to express her disappointment at locals who did not help her when she was molested in Clarke Quay. I am very upset, so upset that I have found time I do not have to write this blog entry to express MY disgust with the people involved.

First off, the girl did nothing wrong in standing up to her attacker. Why should she have walked away like so many people have suggested? If anyone should be embarrassed, it is not her but the molester who should be ashamed. Too many men take liberties with girls in this country and get away with it because the girls have chosen silence and avoidance. Molest and rape are acts that take away control from a women. When we do not stand up for ourselves, we condone these men to continue molesting others. We are telling them to go on and do it, because we girls won’t say a thing. Gradually, it only emboldens our attackers and make them feel like they were born to do this; they’re so good at it that they are never caught. Maybe they become twisted enough to even think perhaps we girls are not speaking up because we secretly liked being groped. They start to think they’re god’s gift to women when they are the lowest scum of the earth.

We have to stand up for ourselves. It was common occurrence during my secondary school years to see schoolmates being touched inappropriately and deliberately on crowded buses. Molest is not as rare as you think in our so called civilized country. It has happened to me, to friends and to strangers. What a molester claims to be an innocent or accidental hand that bumped into my rear repeatedly because there’s a lot of people on the bus is a whole lot of bullshit. I’m thankful for the senior who noticed and came over and shielded me before asking his friend to inform the bus driver of the incident. You underestimate how much a kind gesture like that comforts someone who has just been violated and feeling vulnerable. Having someone help me in that situation made me feel like I was not alone and that I did nothing wrong. It gave me strength and conviction when I was scared and confused. Despite his claims, I knew he deliberately touched me as much as he tried to make me doubt myself. In the end, that support made it so that I filed the complaint officially with the bus company and raised awareness that such crimes were prevalent on the school route. More and more girls came forward after that and guess what, we were no longer victims once we spoke up and stopped our attackers.

The girl in this case was not as fortunate as I was. The people who were there, men and women alike should be ashamed of themselves for not offering help. I’m not asking you to punch the alleged molester for the girl and incur an assault charge. I’m just saying why was it so difficult to go up to the girl confronting a man on her own and just ask if there’s a problem? Is it not common decency? Do you think only knights in shining armor and not commoners like you have it in your heart to help girls? Why is it in Singapore we have this attitude like it’s none of our business, or it’s not our job, or someone else will do it? This is a rotten, soulless, selfish community we have turned into. Why must we first consider if we are ‘obligated’ to before extending a helping hand?

Some comments have said the girl did not have any ‘right’ to expect help and shouldn’t feel indignant that she didn’t get any. I think we are of the understanding that civilized society protect their women and young. Perhaps this foreign girl thought Singapore was one such civilized country to assume someone would have intervened, if not to help her but to at least break up the confrontation? Would a rational outsider looking on not be concerned to see a women standing up to a man she does not know and claiming she was molested? Tell me, why would you not be concerned and ignore the situation? I don’t understand. Sure she had no right to ‘expect’ any help, but she has every right to be disappointed that she was in a bar full of people and not one person stood up for her. She also has every right to go online and tell everyone how disappointed she is. I personally am more to the degree of being appalled and disgusted. ‘Disappointed’ is her putting it courteously when we have been utterly ungracious to her. We have in fact failed her spectacularly as her hosts in our country.

Which reminds me of the other comments that we didn’t help her because she’s a foreigner. Do you not think that because she is a foreigner that she was even more alone and needed help even more? This country’s dislike of FTs has now reached a boiling point where it is now indiscriminate hatred. We blame every last thing wrong in our lives on the FTs in our country. I’m not going to go into another lengthy discussion of why exactly we need them and how much they have contributed to our economy because locals simply refuse to see the truth that we cannot survive without them. I’m just going to say, does being foreigners make them less human? Are you saying now that because we hate foreigners for screwing up our lives that we don’t care if one of them was being molested or raped or killed in front of you? In fact, did you think it serves them right?! What kind of person, what kind of monster has this misguided hatred turned you into?

The worse of the comments were they ones insinuating the girl dressed up ‘asking for it’. No girl wants to be touched inappropriately without her consent. Even if yes, she was out looking to be laid, it doesn’t mean
she wants every and any random guy to touch her anywhere. Even if she was a slut, a whore, a hooker even.. No woman deserves or asks to be molested or raped. You respect yourself by respecting her even when you think she doesn’t deserve it. ‘Asking for it’? Who are you to assume or decide that and worse, to be convinced that it is your right to give her what she’s ‘asking for’? You know what, if she really wants it, she’ll say yes if you had asked instead of forcing it on her.

I thought we were in a country where we women could feel safe and respected, where we had the freedom to feel beautiful and wear what makes us feel good. Singapore is a small country and honestly everyone knows each other by just a few degrees of separation. While we have the potential to be a close-knit society that look out for each other, we have instead felt the need to jostle for space and hang the losers out to dry. Competition has all but ruined community. I can’t help but think this system has evolved us to keep the cruel survivor traits over all others.

A quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, ‘The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.’

I think that can be extended to women as well. The degradation of our society’s values has everything to do with how we have brought up our children with the wrong priorities in life. The people in the bar who stood aside had no courage, no decency, no honor because they were probably brought up to value self-preservation first. Too many times I have heard parents tell their children that it’s ‘not their problem’ when they come back from school with a story that their friend was punished by the teacher when he has done nothing wrong. ‘As long as the teacher wasn’t scolding you.’ Are you guilty as a parent of doing this with your children? Children demonstrate that it is inherent within our nature to stand up for each other in the face of injustice. We have simply conditioned the goodness out of our children in the pursuit of good grades in this country.

We ask, what is wrong with people these days?! Perhaps we should look at ourselves first and see just what is wrong inside. This country has a spoilt attitude in that we blame others for everything. From online comments, you’ll see a disturbing trend of people managing to lay blame on the government and FTs for every last, totally irrelevant thing. I think when we consistently blame others and cannot take responsibility for ourselves, that the human character loses the battle more every day. Is it not a breaking point when as this case has shown, that our society has lost the basic decency of helping someone in need when it doesn’t cost you anything? To have stood aside and allowed for a girl to be victimized like that, the whole roomful of people are as bad as the molester. Worse still are the people who have further disgraced our country and the general human kind with their thoughtless comments attacking the girl.

I really want to apologize to the girl for my country’s inexcusable behavior. I’m sorry she didn’t meet Singaporeans with big hearts that night and even more apologetic for the undeserved abuse she suffered online. She’s a victim and not the perpetuator. We just seem to have lost sight of that in the whole debacle. I want to thank her as well though, for feeling strongly enough to have written in to the site. My country likes to pretend that we’re awesome and squeaky clean and everything good when we increasingly haven’t been in a long time now. I think it’s time we had a good look at our not-so-perfect, close-to-entirely-rotten selves and reflect.

Appreciate.

My brother was all hyped up last week when he rushed home from camp specially for his much awaited SimCity. Over the weekend, I caught up with him over dinner and inquired about the health of his ‘baby’, as he so endearingly calls his virtual city. He told me plainly that it was simply, ‘collapsing’ because everyone’s complaining. I then asked just how long did the city run in prosperity before everything turned sour. He said offhandedly, ‘a couple of hours?’ I had to laugh.

If only running a country were as easy as playing a computer game. How much would politicians give to have the option of resetting to a previous save point I wonder? If only time could be turned back and the missteps undone. It’s not just the government isn’t it? You and me, normal people everywhere would love to have this option and live our lives again to perfection on hindsight. Sometimes I really wonder why we can accept our mistakes, fix them and move on by telling ourselves that we’ll just think of it as a life lesson, then why aren’t governments allowed the same liberty? Did you think governments were supposed to be perfect? That they somehow just know what to do or have a road-map to follow? Men are fallible; much less a whole bunch of arguing men in parliament. We can only do the best we can; us and the government. True that we suffer to a degree for a government’s mistakes, but can you imagine an alternative where there is no government? In accepting that we need a leadership, we should follow through thick and thin no?

At this juncture, I’ll insert the analogy of Chelsea changing managers over and over and over in a season. Did that do more harm than good? The club is slipping away; the owners at odds with the manager, the manager with the fans, the owners with the players. No unity, no identity, no passion, no motivation, no goal. My opinion is that if everyone cut each other some slack and held on together to work things out given some time, would it be better? It’s incredibly sad to see a club with such heritage run itself into ruin like this. Nobody likes nobody anymore and the club is but a shell and a name that feebly, meaninglessly trudges on with no real support from anyone. On BPL fanzone over the weekend, a Chelsea fan called in to say he would rather have seen his club lose the FA Cup game just so they’ll wake up. Another fan said that even if the current manager brings home the FA Cup, he wouldn’t be accepted no matter what! Really? Even if it means for once you have a manager who delivers? How is this rational? Even as players have stepped forward to cajole the fans into treating their manager better, the fans are stubbornly adamant that they don’t care. What is this attitude? Can you really say it’s good for the club at all?

Citizens all over the world are petty, resentful and have amazingly long-lasting memories when it comes to a government’s faults.  Just like Chelsea fans, I’ll ask you what good does it do other than making you feel better when you rage and vent? The government is fixing their wrongs and need our support. Can we give them as much when they’re doing their best? Have they not already put their heads down in shame and apologized and accepted all our ranting? Are we appeased yet? I say again that a nation needs its people as much as it needs its leaders. Work together and achieve more with less. I think we’ve heard that saying many many times in Asian culture haven’t we? Just look around at Europe and the US. France is facing a 3rd recession since 2008. Italy has a joke of a leadership. Greece is essentially fighting a civil war. The US is shutting down their government services because their leaders cannot compromise. We’re doing good in Singapore; we really really are. Do we for one second appreciate that? We have actual reserves running into so many zeros that the US can only dream about. We have accomplished so much as a small nation and yet, we don’t seem to understand how amazing it really is. Have we applauded our leaders even once for that? If we’re so stingy with the compliments, why so quick with the criticism? Are we such incorrigible people?

Pondering Population

Population is a touchy subject these days in SG. Last week when the government released their projection of close to 7million people on our island by 2030, the country exploded in fury. I have mentioned my opinion in earlier posts that I think using population growth to sustain economic growth is not a long run solution and that there will come a point where the system will collapse onto itself like a stack of cards. It seems now though that before the system fails itself, before the island cannot support so much life, the people have broken first. It is of my opinion that the government has indeed been pushing its luck with its people for a long time now, so much so that they have failed to account for this variable fully in their calculations.

The PAP has been snubbed in the recent election for perhaps being too presumptuous in their actions over the years. I suppose people these days want to be informed and consulted more so than previous generations have. Is that a good thing? I’m not sure if people are being over-demanding with a government that has done a fairly good job so far. Such is human nature you see, to ask and demand for more and more and criticizing the failure to attain perfection when that doesn’t exist. Is it being fair? I get comments that I’m exceedingly sympathetic towards PAP. You know, I don’t exactly have a political leaning. I simply imagine myself as PM and facing these issues asking what would, what could I do? The empathy arrives then. Our PM is a man like any other except that he faces impossibly heavy decisions sometimes that honestly cannot satisfy everyone. In politics, everything ends up being a judgement call; who needs help most, who cannot wait, which fire to save with limited water.. How could I criticize a man already stretched so thin and pulled in so many directions?

In any case, I have digressed really far from what I set out to write today. I have been absent from the blogosphere recently because my life has taken a major turn towards marriage now. I have been spending time trying to come to terms with everything and it has naturally brought me to the question of having children amongst other issues. Our government is exceedingly and in my opinion, disturbingly enthusiastic about us procreating. As an economist, I understand, and understand that the government understands too that at this point, we are so far gone that even if we start churning out babies double time henceforth, we are facing an entire lost generation that is the gap in our population pyramid. People in their 20s and 30s right now will bear the full brunt of its effects no doubt. Of course I am talking about having to pay more taxes to support the growing aging population that will only swell in the next few decades. We have doomed ourselves to this when we chose not to make babies to lighten that tax and labour burden. Indeed nobody should actually think of it in that way when raising children should be a sacred thing. But please do bear with this economist who sometimes sees children as statistics rather than the cherubs that parents think they are. In simple math and logic, you should be able to see why there is a solution in growing the Foreign Talent pool. Whilst this policy no doubt makes locals curse and yell, do you honestly see another option?

I’ll be crude and say, unless our parents and grandparents start dying at 70, unless we suddenly become so productive that we generate twice the profit for our companies than we are right now, unless we rob and plunder other countries of their riches.. This is our reality. As to my 3rd scenario actually, are we not already in a way plundering other countries by using these FTs to generate GDP for us and also contributing to our tax revenue? Is it really such a bad deal for us?

We’re upset about the little things like it being way too crowded on the trains, and also the bigger problems like trains breaking down totally because they are just too overworked. This is what is the punishment of the lack of foresight and the trade-off for the quick-fix solution of FTs. Like there is no overnight way to fill that gap on our population, there is also no overnight upgrade of our transport systems. I admit that infrastructure should have been a consideration from the start when we contrived FTs as our solution, but it is too late for looking back now. Greed was surely a factor. When we saw how much extra GDP and tax revenue FTs contributed, we got too exuberant and pushed that line further and further into the territory of being entirely unmanageable. Reversing out of a mess like this is like turning around the Titantic. Worse still is that this Titantic has already hit the iceberg in the sense that the people are pissed and there’s so little room to maneuver now because everyone is watching. But is the infrastructure problem fixable? Yes, and to a large extent it’s honestly easier to achieve than to have Singaporeans produce heirs.

Patience is what we sorely lack as a nation. The mistakes have been made, the blame and accusations suffered and we should stop and move on to repairing things. Do we feel like there’s a need to punish someone for the mistakes and therefore still feel angry? Sure we are angry because we’re late for work and the transit is uncomfortable these days.. But do we reasonably expect these problems to be solved in the short term? Some people tell me they’re angry because they’re suffering for the mistakes they had no part in. You know, that is not exactly true. If we had kept up with birthing the next generation, if we had upped our productivity, if we had been willing to pay a tax hike that is necessary to support our old folks.. You see, we refuse to pay more or do more for nothing that directly benefits ourselves when the nation clearly needs us to. Our tax rate is absurdly low, our productivity level even more ridiculously so, our birth rate dismal. Sustaining a nation is a collaborative effort of the government and its people. Can we say we have done enough and given enough as Singaporeans for this relationship to work out and thrive?

Why you should be watching the American Election.

Singaporeans live in a tiny bubble that is our island. We don’t usually give a damn about the rest of the world. We don’t understand why people riot, what austerity is, how poverty feels like. I like to think we are lucky. Even in the deepest recessions we have had, we have not felt desperation in the street like Europe does right now. Economic data like jobs numbers, PMI, export orders are inconsequential to anyone not in the finance sectors. But you know, you should be keeping a casual eye on these. The economy is the country. It’s an understatement to describe it simply as vital. There is no country if there is no economy, and it better be a viable one too. The American Presidential elections in November is widely regarded as the election of the economy. If you have been following the stories, I hope you like me feel like there’s a lot of deja vu while you watched the convention speeches last month and the debate this week. There are so many lessons to take home, and the best thing is that we get to learn it through someone else so we don’t have to make those mistakes. You should be watching.

I’ll start and say I am pro-democrat. President Obama if anything, will stabilize the domestic situation and guarantee a continuity of the policies in place and general direction of the country and economy. The debt in the US is growing at a staggering rate, but Japan and Europe are likewise troubled. To be honest, if the economy and politics could be kept apart, we would not be so indebted. This is the most polarized election America has seen in every aspect. In terms of economy, a Romney win is pro-business and especially so for the traditional sectors such as banking and coal. An Obama win will see diversification of the US economy into new sectors such as clean energy and also growth of the healthcare industry due to Medicare. What the American people should vote for, is the path to sustainable growth in the long term. What nobody can put a finger on is why is growth so difficult to achieve? There is no quick fix for stalled growth. I don’t know if Obama’s plans are better than Romney’s, but I think Obama needs more time and he deserves as much. A Republican win as I see it will be wasting at least the first couple of years in office undoing what Obama has enacted such as Medicare and tax systems and even foreign policy, before the Romney team can even start to do anything.

In that sense, we’re incredibly lucky in Singapore to not have to deal with polarized politics. We like to complain that a one-party system is not democratic and allows the government to have their way in everything. But on the other extreme, would you like a government back-paddling on everything every other term and going nowhere? It’s what we have seen in Greece in their debt debacle. People have voted out the government carrying out austerity measures to secure the ECB loan again and again, only to end up with a coalition government who is doing the same thing in the end. How much time has democracy wasted in this debt crisis? Our current political situation is at a sweet spot I think. There is enough opposition in parliament and the President who will keep the PAP in check. When the next election rolls in however, a swing government might be on the cards and that does not bode well at all. I think the opposition is too untested and if emboldened by the support of the people, will become too eager to change things and perhaps take unnecessary risks. Like Dad likes to tell me, there are some mistakes that there’s just no going back from. I don’t like how Singaporeans are staking the country for variety or to feel a little more accomplished by rebelling.

The US is one of the biggest economies in the world and there is no doubt some inertia at work that is keeping growth from picking up again since it has last come to a halt. Listening to the speech Obama made at the DNC, a change of direction to socialism seems to be what is happening. There is talk of improving education, of providing healthcare, of closing the income gap, of upgrading infrastructure, and also of sustaining growth. Does any of that sound familiar to you as a Singaporean? For years and years PAP harps on and on about sustaining growth, of diversification, of upgrading workers.. And perhaps now we can see why it is so fundamental. As we become a first-world country, growth can no longer be expected to be in double digits anymore. Industries such as low-tech manufacturing become less and less viable as emerging markets swoops in at lower cost to force us out of the market. It is a never ending game of catch me if you can. We have to make sure there is another ready-to-go industry we can jump right in as the previous door closes. We dabble in biotech and aerospace and soon, green energy because we need to keep one step ahead. Otherwise, the consequences are as you see in Europe now. Complacency has cost them a whole lost generation in years to come as they struggle with debt and returning to growth. It is very likely these Europeans will have to lower expectations and living standards drastically as they come to terms with their harsh reality. It could easily have been us. And on a side note, this is one reason why we need to shut up about FTs.

The social-economic divide of our people is slowly growing to look like that in the US. Low interest rates domestically and a strong currency is an environment in which the rich can capitalise upon and grow richer. Obama wants to take care of the middle-class because they are the driving force and heartbeat of their economy. I find what he said at the DNC very moving. There is indeed no reason why anyone who is willing to work hard cannot afford to feed his family. Employment is what keeps people happy. We have done a great job in Singapore to keep people employed and motivated to stay employed despite the challenging conditions. In the US, the 99-ers are the expanding group of people who have been unemployed for so longer, they no longer want to find a job. This is a huge drag on the welfare scheme as well as a huddle to growth. Employ, employ, employ. Romney believes cutting corporate taxes will help firms up hiring. That is why Singapore is pro-business and low tax. Our people cannot afford to be unemployed when the people is the only engine fuelling GDP in an economy in which we have no agriculture and oil to fall back on. But we have to take care of the working class and make sure wages keep pace with inflation. The US would be elated to have any inflation at all now, but for us it is a problem that never goes away even in the recession years. We cannot give outright handouts and welfare, but we can give incentives like Workfare and tax rebates. Yet this is still not enough. A growing, struggling middle class like in the US is what we have to avoid.

Our solution now seems to be upgrading the skill of workers so they can find higher paying jobs. It makes for a competitive Singapore in which it seems like people can no longer make a living if they aren’t capable. This is really my problem with the situation locally. The rich-poor divide will only widen more and more with time if we go on like that and there is a choke point where we cannot tax the rich any further without justification. In that sense I marvel at the government’s innovative ways to raise tax revenue from casinos to COEs. Obama coined a new term ‘economic patriotism’ at the debate this week. The risk really is that the rich will simply move out of the country if they are to take on more and more of the burden of supporting the masses. Can we risk these people taking their money and getting out of Singapore? We are supposed to be a financial and wealth hub in this part of the world after all. The US with their vastness and sheer size of the workforce can afford sectors in manufacturing to support a middle class in the long term. I hate to say this, but as the lower educated Singaporeans get increasingly squeezed out, will they have to go overseas and be FTs themselves in foreign lands to make a living? The truth is that the labour market is very tight in Singapore and there should be more than enough jobs for everyone which is why so many FTs are here. Is it rather instead that capabilities aside, Singaporeans feel entitled to better jobs than those being fielded by FTs now? I mean look, if FTs are making enough to get by, why aren’t Singaporeans?

The issue of FTs in Singapore is a sticky one and I think one day further down the road we will be where the US is now with their immigrants becoming de facto citizens in their own right for their contributions to the economy. There is likewise backlash to the ‘Dream Act’ as it is known. Whether illegal in US or legal in Singapore, immigrants simply stir up resentment in a population safeguarding their own interests. For us, I’m not sure using FTs to carry growth will be sustainable in the long run. Sometimes the FT population seems to me to have exploded out of the government’s control. There is a delicate balance between what our infrastructure can support and the growth more FTs will bring. We need to find ways of making more money with less people. This is the ‘productivity’ the government is talking about. Inefficiencies really need to be cleaned up and businesses consolidated especially in the public sector. Yet again there, it is a trade off with employment. The public sector is perhaps the biggest employer in any country. Should we keep employing 3 people to do 1 person’s job just so we can keep all 3 happy? I think it makes no sense commercially, but politically it’s another story. In this way, I think the local workforce has been conditioned to be unproductive. Is this the way forward? Definitely no. Is this why wages won’t grow? Yes, because payroll is growing faster than profits. It’s really simple math.

There is a lot more to be said about the American election as it goes on and things heat up. The fundamentals of government remain unchanging no matter where in the world we are. It is a great opportunity to be a spectator in this election and I hope Singaporeans will make the most of it and watch and take something away from it like I will. The position of the POTUS is one that will affect the world in some way or another. So yes, it concerns you and it concerns our economy. So stay tuned!

Scandalous Island.

The buzz around the island recently is no doubt all about the spate of sex scandals that are going on trial right now and in the coming months. It’s quite the coincidence really that we should be watching so many different cases go down in a short period of time like this. I’m sure the cumulative drama has had the effect of fueling more people to take interest. What I find really interesting though is how these cases represent the different levels and degrees of corruption that Singaporeans partake in. It does also seem that financial bribery is not ‘in’ in Singapore like sex is. Is this because of the tough anti-corruption stand our government has always taken? Is this really the norm or is it that our morality is no longer what was? I say that because I do believe the enforcement of the law has not slackened with time. Why are more and more people embroiled in fraud, embezzlement and corruption? From sex-for-grades to fellatio for government contracts to embezzlement of church donations.. It becomes saddening when you see the trend that it is often the people whom society regards as safe and trusted that are corrupt.

Twitter has exploded with a multitude of hashtags and crude jokes in response to the sex scandals in the news. Do you #DIY ? The ongoing CNB case unfolding in court has everyone following it like a Taiwanese soap drama, what with witnesses claiming to be forced into confession under duress, the public recounting of sex acts, and the very nature of the case involving an extramarital affair of a government official. The defense is trying to prove the affair so as to overturn the corruption charge when I honestly think it shouldn’t make a difference whatsoever. Conflict of interest is something every working professional should know very well to avoid, much less an agent of the government. It is an insult isn’t it, to say the CNB chief didn’t know, didn’t think it would look like corruption to sleep with a woman pitching a contract to the organization he heads. The joke in the courtroom is how sane people claim they’re crazy, smart people act like they’re born stupid, conmen claim their victims asked for it. What perplexes me about this case however is why the defendant’s wife is still with that cheating sod of a husband. In this time and age, it’s not regarded as virtuous to keep standing by your man, it’s just plain stupid. With the defense going all out to prove an affair, it’ll be no contest on grounds to file for divorce with a hefty settlement to boot. But okay, that is just me and my belief that such men deserve to be punished until it really hurts.

Back to more relevant topics, the CNB case plus the SCDF case are quite similar and raise the same questions. Were we hardwired to believe corruption = money/gifts and so prefer to do it with sex so we can find excuses? Or are Singaporean men in power really preferring sex to money? It is something the government must consider because as we have heard it over and over in parliament, higher pay for civil servants is a measure taken to ward off the temptation of corruption. So, is all this money going to waste now if for these men, it’s not about the money but the sex? The line must be drawn clearly by the statutory boards that sex or money, corruption is going to be punished severely with no exceptions or excuses accepted. Conflict of interest is going to have to be something all staff have to step around and avoid like landmines if they should so choose to be civil servants. If the government has to define in black and white what corruption means and entails, then that memo has to go out to its staff to put everyone on the same page. Why I think the government should act like that? Because as much as the statutory boards are independent from the administration, when you talk to the man on the street, CNB or SCDF is just government in his eyes. If a voter will not differentiate, then the responsibility will have fall upon the government, if not to keep subordinates in line then to safeguard its own image! In the end, as much as everyone knows the evil lurking in every person’s heart, we like to believe that the people we vote into power are virtuous people who are here to better the lives of the people. By extension, that also is what we hope for the people that government chooses to head its statutory boards.

In all honesty, why civil? When we think of politicians, we think corrupt from what we understand of what is happening internationally. I think Singapore is rather proud of its zero tolerance level of corruption, which explains why these scandals are going on trial in a rather high-handed fashion. As citizens, we must applaud the state for doing the right thing instead of easily staging a cover-up. It is an ugly debacle that is drawing disgrace to the administration that has stayed quiet to lay low throughout. I suppose it really is unfair to blame the administration for the mistakes of its individuals. What we can assume is that the government is of the mindset that a single rotten apple will spoil the entire warehouse. I’m glad we will stamp it out before it takes root, grows and spreads, and becomes a norm. Because corruption is the norm in the private sector, rampant but just unspoken, and it is what greases the gears that keeps it running smoothly, if at all. In the public sector though, the decisions corruption could influence are potentially what could affect a lot of people, even a nation. Just imagine if it was not a contract the woman was pitching to the CNB chief but a drug deal. It is not too far a leap to take it in that direction. When people make a mistake, it always seems like it no longer is such a big deal making another bigger one and another since they are in it already. If such corrupt decisions become a norm in government, how will it justify the administration’s right to lead a nation when it has questionable integrity and credibility? Corruption erodes trust, and in politics it is the hearts of the people that the government has to hold on to faithfully.

I joke and say that as a politician, you have to keep driving a Toyota when the hawker pulls up in a Mercedes to complain about inflation. Politics should never have been glamorized as it has outside of Singapore. We see the Chinese ministers wearing their striking branded suits and driven around in Rolls Royces, Thaksin living in a palace even in exile, Mitt Roomney running for office with hidden accounts in the Cayman Islands..  I think we have done it right in Singapore where our ministers are approachable and modest people we can relate to. It’s an attitude of governing that’s quite unique in the world and frankly admirable for a government with that much wealth it has. This face, even if only for good PR has to be kept up here in Singapore. Corruption is simply not part of the image at all. There is an amount of respect that should be accorded to a government keeping its word and sticking to its rules even when it is being now played against them. There can be no double standards. Even as most people have not drawn the conclusions or connected the implications of these scandals to the government just yet, I’m just blogging my thoughts here. I was frankly surprised to not see the government draw fire for these PR disasters given the amount of hate they’ve been subject to in recent times whether deserved or not. Perhaps people are just really happily entertained by it all? That must be it.